Horses use appeasement to de-escalate situations or to reconcile with herd-mates. If horse handlers and trainers do not fully understand the appeasement behavior of horses and ignore these signals, this can have significant detrimental effects on horses, particularly when it becomes the default or habitual response in their relationships with humans, as it so often does. Because of the inherently unequal relationship between humans and their horses, horses often choose appeasement behaviors (calming signals) in an effort to keep themselves safe and to avoid the escalation of perceived conflict.
Often, horse owners and handlers are unaware of or overlook these signs in their horses. Seldom do they take the time to slow down, let the horse know they saw him and respond in a way that will preserve some of the horse’s agency.
Appeasement behavior in people often involves suppressing their own needs, opinions, and boundaries to please others, which, over time, can lead to feelings of powerlessness, insignificance, and a lack of confidence. It can cause emotional volatility and a weakened sense of identity. The constant effort to please can leave one emotionally exhausted and drained. It is no different for horses. Some comply, shut down, and become mechanical in their responses. Others may become explosive. Some constantly hold tension in their bodies, and some become lethargic and depressed when they are continually having to appease.
Appeasement in humans can create an unhealthy power imbalance in relationships, where one person consistently yields to the other. This can lead to resentment and bitterness as unmet needs and suppressed feelings accumulate. It blocks authentic communication and conflict resolution, potentially leading to unresolved issues escalating into larger problems.
In humans, excessive appeasement can be linked to anxiety, depression, and lack of self-confidence. The constant worry of not meeting others’ expectations can significantly increase stress levels. In some cases, this behavior can be a sign of deeper psychological issues or a response to past trauma. It is the same for horses. No social mammal likes having to constantly appease. A healthy relationship always involves give and take.
The trouble with appeasement behavior in horses that have been pushed too hard and whose appeasement signals have been ignored is that sometimes, in some good-natured, well-tempered horses, appeasement looks a lot like friendliness and compliance, but underneath the hood is a stressed animal prone to ulcers, a weakened immune system and other illnesses as well as the potential for a mental breakdown and/or explosive outburst. A 2023 scientific paper by Aurélie Jolivald et al. found a positive association between Agreeableness, the personality factor in horses that reflects habitual compliance, and hair cortisol concentration. High hair cortisol concentration is an indication of stress. If this study is correct, the compliant behavior of these “agreeable” horses stems from appeasement rather than their genuine desire to comply and interact with their handlers, which is reflected in the cortisol stress response.
Sometimes, a horse who has had to appease will be compliant with the original aggressor but become more challenging and explosive with other handlers who do not appear as domineering. This is because the horse has felt threatened and unsafe around humans since the beginning but has decided to change his safety tactic from appeasement to fight or flight.
The best thing we can do to establish a healthy relationship and good connection with our horses is to learn to see and recognize the subtle and not-so-subtle signs of appeasement. To back off when we see them and wait. To ask for permission. To look for consent. To find every way we can to work with their will and engagement instead of forcing them. If you are present and aware, you can see how they are reacting to what you are doing and know how to respond in a way that preserves as much of their agency as possible.
Below is a photo essay showing appeasement and calming signals in horses and responses to them to help you be better with your horse and to see him more deeply.
To learn more about how to be with your horse and how to really see him, go to the https://twostepway.com/ website.
