Anything we do with a horse is about the relationship. It is never just about the horse’s response. It is always about the dyad. We bring ourselves in whatever emotional state we are in to the horse, and that is why the horse reflects what we bring in his response to us. That is why people often say your horse is your mirror.
We often do not show up prepared to interact with a being, a being with feelings and needs of their own. We forget to fully see the being. We show up to ride. To jump a course, to practice a test, to race around barrels, to chase cows. To halter and bring our horse to the vet. We show up with an agenda and an expectation of how it will all go. Sometimes we show up distracted and not even thinking about what we are doing. We can even show up with the intention of just patting and interacting with our horse and still forget to see and respond to the authentic being before us in the present moment.
You land a nice pat on your horse’s neck but fail to see that your horse has tilted his head away from you and stiffened, indicating he doesn’t want to be touched just then and like that. I’ve seen plenty of people move a horse from a stall to a pasture without ever truly socially engaging with him, where the horse and human have shared a moment of emotional connection. Instead the horse is led to the pasture and released without any connection.
People often do the barn feeding in a mindless pattern of dumping the grain and hay into their bins and stalls without seeing the beings eagerly waiting. Could you imagine if a waiter delivered your food like that without any understanding of the joy, enthusiasm and anticipation you were feeling in the moment of its arrival? You’d feel dumped on and ghosted in an important moment of emotional significance for you. Yes, horses feel it when we match their emotional states.
We often forget to slow down and remember this horse we are working with is an emotional being, feeling and responding to everything. We need to slow down and watch their responses and modulate what we do based on what they do. In that way we build true connection with another emotional creature.
Like all mammals, horses feel safer and more secure when they feel seen and understood. Next time you head to the barn, stop and observe your horse as you approach him. Watch carefully what he does, and respond intuitively to him as if dancing with him. Notice him come alive in front of you as you let him know with every response that you saw him. You saw his hesitation and met it with grounded stillness; you saw his joy and met it with your own. Life is good, especially when we share our feelings with others and experience theirs. Be the seeing, see the being.
