Building a solid sense of security in your horse is the most important way for you to bond with him and achieve connection, relaxation, and synchrony.
To do this, you must get good at being present and paying focused attention to your horse when you are with him. This means that you are aware of yourself, your horse and the environment. This means your mind is in the here and now, not distracted by thoughts, phones, or text messages. You must be aware of your nervous system and know what it is transmitting. You must know how to put yourself in a calm state that you can share with your horse before you greet him.
Then you must know how to see your horse and pay attention to him in a deep way that helps him feel safe. Horses care about their safety, so it is important to learn their subtle signs of increasing worry. Horses exhibit certain facial patterns associated with increased worry, pain, and stress. They have calming and displacement behaviors. They also exhibit certain physiological changes in muscle tone when their nervous system is in the fight/flight state vs the rest/digest state.
These are all very good things to know and to understand. Learn to recognize the signs of increasing stress and also what the signs of downregulation look like, so that you can help your horse downregulate before their worries escalate.
You can also learn what triggers them (makes them question their safety), and how to help them become less triggered. Once you have identified what is triggering them, you can help them to be less worried about the trigger by moving them further away from it. Let them know you see the object or problem. Then stand calmly with them until they have down-regulated. Stay standing in peace and presence for a while, as this feels good to the horse, and then move a little closer to the trigger and do the same thing until peace is found. Clear each zone until the trigger is gone.
If the trigger is an action like putting on a blanket, the same principles apply: break it down into manageable pieces. For example, approach with the blanket. The moment you see an escalation in worry, stop. Take a small step back. Take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Find your own peace and presence to share with the horse. Watch for his downregulation. Stay in peace together for a few moments. Then approach a little closer until the horse shows signs of worry. Stop again and repeat. Always end on a good note, and before you have asked for too much. The horse will be much better the next time if you quit while you are ahead.
Another cool way to bond with a horse is to identify glimmers. The opposite of triggers. Any time your horse looks at you in a moment of social engagement, curiosity and friendliness, find your peace and presence and just stand with him. Take in the sounds and the sun together. Have a gentle thought of gratitude for his company. You can also find glimmers to share with your horse in any moment of downregulation he is having, a deep sigh, a lowering head, a closing eye, a cocking hoof, these are all fine moments to pause, prolong and stretch out that lovely feeling of peace together.
Glimmer on and bond.
